The image currently seared into my brain

They say you never forget your first time. Mine was today at 7:35 a.m. You parents know what I'm talking about....that first time you see your precious innocent angel with a full hand of warm stinking poo. Jiminy Cricket, I think I just aged a few years. I heard Caden wake up around 7:30 and then he went into some sing-songy vocalizations as if he'd just discovered how marvelous his voice was. Unfortunately that was NOT what he had discovered. Curious, I peeked into his bedroom and spotted him sitting upright in his crib with a giant wad of turdage in one hand while the other hand appeared to be sponge-painting his bumper. Evidently Caden had dumped such a ginormous load into his diaper that it was creeping up his back. He was just reaching around and grabbing some material for his art project from the ooze-over. NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! I could neither confirm nor deny that he had consumed any, but the mess was too much for one person to clean and keep a toddler's hands out of it simultaneously. I yelled for The Tank who was in the midst of leaving for work and then proceeded to take the next hour or so returning our household to its normal stench- and fecal-free environment. All before breakfast. Somebody hit me up with some strong coffee! In the meantime I pray that this was a one-time event but since I've heard so many horror stories from other parents, I'm afraid there will be more to follow. Maybe we better make that an Irish coffee!